she flicks the mapthat takes up one-third ofwall space.on her desk, there's aspinning globe: sometimesshe taps it to set it rotating. unfocuses her eyes and lets the worldblur past. she makes a list,writing alphabetically,reverse-alphabeticallyand flips it around again. scrambles the order, calls uponline travel literature. in the evening shecrams in language, makesflashcards of grammar. she'll go …
the cave
a cave formsin the forest.sometimes, in her modest moodsshe calls it a backyardbut miles offlora isn't a yard. she takes a backpack andlaces up hiking shoes.if she walks too fastthey clip at her anklebone.sometimes, the bruiseslast for days. if the weather permitsshe reaches the cave,half-formed though it is.when she first came hereit didn't existand she …
in infinity
she dwells ininfinity. the world isold, new -wildly changing. shemakes no effort tofind one safe place. instead, she roams:goes wherever soundsinteresting atpresent. she doesn't ever staylong enoughto make ahistory.(prefers to cyclethroughpeople and apartments) each year she'sdisplaced,discomforted - -and everytime she is ablank slate.(no-one knows herin her entirety,after all) and so it goesthat she callsmany placesher …
after midnight
at 2 a.m., there's totalstillness.the curtains are drawn,heavy and thick, blocking outall light. in the quiet of the cottagethere's no stimuli.no traffic, no sirens rushing bysetting the night alight withcoloured noise. outside a cicada chirpsthen falls silent. there's nothing. in the bleak dark of nightthere's nothing to see,no need for pretension.no need to do anything.
ongoing
there's forty-one emailsunread in my inbox.on my phone, five new voicemailsgo unheard, unanswered.the number stays undialled. three tweets - a quiet yell with the@and two instagram likes.it's all going on the tally. there's real perseverance,i will concede that.this is a waiting gamefor a reason though. what that reason is,i still don't quiteknow. so far, i'm patient. calm.so …
capitulation
it's nothing personal, she assures me.
conquer
the world narrows downto a mess of straightlines.everything is neat in itsplace. every box is neatlylabelled,tucked away for future reference. in place of a whirlwind,there's a series oflinear progressions.they tell some story,somehow.viewers are never surewhat the story is,but they know it'sthere. and underneath it all,there's someonewatching theprogressions. a whirlwind becomesspatial awareness becomesneat organized lines,and it is conquered.
settling in
the house is quiet,built after several bitter monthsof designing and planning.every feature is carefullycurated, placed to be clever. sometimes, in the evenings,it settles.floorboards creak undera phantom's step;wind whistles through windows thatneed sealing up. winteris on its way,after all. at night, she settles in withbooks and tea,a teapot perched nine preciseinches away. later still,when it's midnight, …
revolution
pace the pavement, punctually tired.
the fallacy
act, and try to convince yourself.
